A Glimpse Inside

an experiment in expression, slight vanity and extreme boredom...
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:: What's New in the World ::

Quote
"I hate you."
-Event Staff

In The Off Hours
Books :: None currently...
TV :: Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis, The 4400, Entourage
Anime :: Naruto, Bleach, Gundam SEED Destiny, Sousei no Aquarion
Music :: DHT - Listen to Your Heart

happiness is...
• Annoying Event Staff
• No More Work
• Night Pictures
• Winning at Poker
unhappiness is...
• No income
• Expensive gear
• Integrating flash and DBs
• Driving long distances



:: Thursday, August 29, 2002 ::
Resolutions and Off With a Rush...
Ok well it's all settled. I'm driving up with Ted and driving back down with Josh Tran tomorrow. Ted will provide a DD and we with both probably get faded but not trashed. Nela and Sam have convinced their pharmacy friends, with my argument I might add, to go to the Mayan instead of Highlands. Chester and Vu will be en route shortly. Tracy and her friends are going too. And Yoway said he'll be in attendance, which probably means Terrance will be there. Dang, mad heads up at the Mayan tonight. If you're not there, ask yourself why! If you are going, meet up at the back bar! Anyways, running out of time, gotta get to La Jolla. Have a safe Labor Day Weekend everyone!


:: posted by Z [6:07 PM] ::
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Dilemmas and Decisions...
Well it's Thrusday, finally! On Monday I requested Friday off so I could go to Superstar at the Mayan in Los Angeles and the way things stand now, I might not even go. The problem is in the fact that I have to come back to SD and no one else who's going to LA from SD does. The only person who might have gone with me is sick and the people I might have met up with LA are going somewhere else. *sigh* Why me I ask, though as always, there is no answer. I wouldn't probably survive the trek back to SD at five in the morning. Plus it would mean I wouldn't be able to get intoxicated at all. Where's the fun in that? Now the choice: 1) not going at all, 2) going to the Mayan by myself and crashing somewhere in LA, or 3) going to Highlands (damn DMY parties though) and crashing at Nela's then coming back to SD tomorrow morning to prep for Vegas. What to do, what to do...


:: posted by Z [2:34 PM] ::
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:: Monday, August 26, 2002 ::
Do PC Mice Dream Electric Dreams...
And do they go to heaven when they die? In my arrogance, I have always believed that death, and in turn life, was solely the domain of the organic, but that is not the truth. My mouse was constructed, not born, but it did have a mind, in a sense, and more importantly it did have a purpose. It kept the little arrow on my screen in motion, that was its function in life and in doing so it was alive. Then this morning, after a cold boot, the arrow on my screen would not respond. At first I believed it to be an OS driver problem, after all I am running something made my Microsoft. But alas it was not the case. My mouse had stop working, stopping being able to perform its sole function, and hence had died. I've never lost a mouse before. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I know however, that if weren't for the support of my friend Nela, whose cheerful IMs such as "i'm so funny" bombard me constantly while she is in class supposedly learning, I surely would have fallen apart. I thank her now as well as my mouse for two years of faithful service, even if it was a Gateway I had connected it to. In retrospect, I find myself wondering what I could have done to make its life better and perhaps longer. I should have cleaned its trackball more often and I should requisitioned a Dell. Maybe even gotten another mouse of it to play with. Who knows? I suppose these are the questions that will never be answered. So long Logi-1. You got me through compilers, MilVet and DTED. Thank you and goodbye.


:: posted by Z [9:23 AM] ::
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:: Friday, August 23, 2002 ::
Random Reunions...
Well maybe reunion is the wrong word, but I had to preserve the alliteration! Heh. I guess it was just more like random IMs from friends I hadn't heard or seen from in a long while. It started last week with my friend Tarin, a throw back from my old raver days, who I haven't heard from in quite sometime, maybe a year or more. Then again last night with Kells, another relic from the glory days of 98. She kept saying how different I look in the pictures on the site. I don't think I've changed enough to merit mention three seperate times, but she seemed to think so. And then finally this morning, Sandy of all people, IMs me. She's been MIA for several months since she got her new job. I guess in these turbulent times, it was nice to have a few reminders of the unalterable past, like reefs beneath the crashing waves. Whatever their reasons, I was glad to have an opportunity to catch up and reminicse, if only for a few moments, and it left me with a smile. I can't ask for much more than that.


:: posted by Z [10:31 AM] ::
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:: Thursday, August 22, 2002 ::
At Long Last...
Ok, well it's done, finally! Comments are up and running so if you want to respond to anything I post or anything in the express section, hit the comments button at the bottom of each entry, and away you go! Special thanks to Jonty at www.netcomments.co.uk for writing the comment cgi scripts and making them available for free, and also to playfulkitten on the netcomments support forum for debugging my poorly written html code! Thanks a bunch you two!


:: posted by Z [9:28 PM] ::
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:: Wednesday, August 21, 2002 ::
Comment Crazy...
I've been trying, unsuccesfully, for the last few days to add the ability for people to post comments to my blog entries. It seems like it would be so simple. But now I have my hands into cgi/perl and a handful of other concepts I've never even remotely messed with before. If you watch carefully enough, you will see the evolution of a web developer. And to think I use to scorn them so. Does my hypocrisy have no bounds? I suppose it's limited only by my ignorance.


:: posted by Z [11:11 AM] ::
...

Equilibrium...
Well this was the second day in a row I slept through my alarm. What's wrong with me? Maybe it's the working out. At least I'm not sore today and no pounding headache to speak of. Thank god for small mercies I suppose. In a conversation with my friend yesterday, I realized that the amount of partying I do is directly related to the amount of work I do. And if the amount I've been going out is any indication, I'm definitely overworked. In fact, it's probably gonna be one of those 11 hour days. And with all that I'm still trying to do things like work out on a consistent basis, continue development on this website, which occupies more time than you could possibly imagine, continue my reading, continue my writing and find time in all that to have a normal social life. Sometimes when I go out I wonder "What's the point?" But maybe the point is there is no point. It's an escape from the constant thinking, pondering, and concentration required to go about my normal day. Schedule changes. Responsibility changes. Friendship changes. Too many changes, all at once. I hope it balances all out sooner or later if only for a brief reprieve.


:: posted by Z [9:57 AM] ::
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:: Monday, August 19, 2002 ::
Weekend Report...
Well I guess I couldn't stay bedridden for very long. As soon as I had the first indication that the medication was working, I packed my bags, and off I went to LA for the fourth weekend in row. Well, what can I say? With hormones high and blood alcohol content levels even higher, it was another night of drunk debauchery at the Century Club. I took it fairly easy myself because I didn't want to push my body too hard while it was still recovering, which is to say I only had three drinks. Some others in the crew however felt the need to push their drink counts into the mid and high teens, which made for an interesting after party at Garden Cafe. Are you sorry you missed it? Well don't worry because I was able to capture the moment in digital video, soon to be posted. Heh.

My second time at the Century Club turned out to be even more fun than the first. The music was tight the whole night. There were girls everywhere. Got to meet Nela's roomies and fellow pharmacy students. 80% female. At times I think chose the wrong profession. Oh well. For Vu, it marked the sixth consecutive day of partying. A few weeks ago, Vu and Chester introduced me to an energy drink called Rockstar, whose slogan is "Party like a rockstar!" Well, Vu could be their poster boy. If rumor serves me correctly, after the long trek back to SD early Sunday morning, luckily with no more tire puntures at 80 mph, he slept briefly, woke up, and proceeded to make it seven days in a row. Savage. I'll try to hang in vegas when I'm fully recovered. So despite the fact that Ted was drunk off his ass and directing all his pent up violence and agression against me once again *sigh*, it was a phat time. Vegas is going to be crazy. If you're on the fence wondering if you should go or not, GO! Anyway, plenty to do at work this whole week, so till the next entry, later.


:: posted by Z [10:08 AM] ::
...

:: Friday, August 16, 2002 ::
Week's End...
Well another glorious work week has come to an end at last and where am I? I'm at home. I was suppose to be in LA. Come to think of it, I was suppose to be a lot of things this weekend that have long since been denied. I was suppose to be throwing a BBQ on Saturday. I was suppose to be done with my current assignment at work. And most importantly, I was suppose to be fit and healthy, but alas, I am not any of these things.

In two words: I'm sick, though those aren't exactly the words my family physician choose to use when he described my current condition. I believe it ran along the lines of "a viral infection of the lymphnodes leading to swelling of the glands, headaches, bodyaches and localized rashes." Of the first part of that explaination, I haven't a clue. Biology and the other life sciences were never quite my forte. But of the latter, the ailments, I have a profound and intimate understanding. In fact, as I typing this very entry, I am coping with a headache of such magnitude, I wouldn't be surprised if a seismometer out in Death Valley was picking it up at this very moment. Right now I'm doped up on 10mg of Cetirizine HCl and 4mg of Methyprednisolone. Try saying that ten times fast. And on top of being very hard to pronounce, they don't seem to be doing very much. I'd much rather be out somewhere, drinking, dancing to hip hop and chilling with friends as I'm sure everyone else will be out doing tonight. *sigh* Envy, is such an ugly thing.

Anyway, my one small consolation in all this suffering is I have a great book to keep my company. I know, I know. But sometimes the nerd in me just comes screaming to the surface. I've been reading Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead" for the last few days and I honestly have a hard time putting it down. I'd like nothing more to start talking about the ideals put forth by the book here and now, in fact I'm dying to, as Josh can no doubt testify to, but to do so before I have read it in its entirety would be an injustice to it and myself. So I shall wait, as I am waiting now: for my body to heal, a book to finish, and time to slip quietly by.


:: posted by Z [7:02 PM] ::
...

:: Wednesday, August 14, 2002 ::
No Day But Today...
the heart may freeze, or it can burn
the the pain will ease, if I can learn
there is future, there is no past
I live this moment as my last

there's only us, there's only this
forget regret, or life is yours to miss
no other road, no other way
no day but today

there's only us, only tonight
we must let go to know what's right
no other course, no other way
no day but today

I can't control my destiny
I trust my soul
my only goal is just to be
there's only now, there's only here
give in to love, or live in fear

no other path, no other way
no day but today
-Mimi from Rent


:: posted by Z [10:15 AM] ::
...

:: Monday, August 12, 2002 ::
Mondays, Meetings, and Musicals...
Well I woke up on time and made it to my 8am meeting, thank god. I spent the majority of that meeting conducting damage control of a sort on the train wreck of my professional career. Well perhaps not so tragic a disaster as that, but decidedly more so than a mere fender bender. In the end, I managed a "good job in there" from my boss. So hopefully I've managed to smoothed out a few bumps from last week. All it took was an 11 1/2 hour day to put me a full two weeks ahead of schedule. Alas, now that I am ahead of schedule, other people's work load is being redirected onto my desk. The price of success I suppose. Sometimes you just can't win.

After an exhausting day at work, I met up with Josh, Sam and Tim to go see Rent downtown at the Civic Theater. Quite frankly, I was blown away. I won't say much more than that because simply, it's something that shouldn't be read about but experienced first hand. So I give my deepest endorsement to anyone who hasn't seen Rent yet, if you should ever get the opportunity, don't hesitate to go, and be reminded of Life, Love and Death, the cycle that ultimately binds us all together. I will end today's entry with the words that Rent ended on, and a lesson I hope I earnestly take to heart, live life like there's "no day but today."


:: posted by Z [11:09 PM] ::
...

:: Thursday, August 08, 2002 ::
A New Low...
Well besides being in this perpetual state of fatigue and always running short on time, after an 8am meeting this morning, my life hit a new low. My boss called me into his office for a private chit chat in which phrases like "appears unprofessional" and "reflects badly on me" were being toss around like rice at a wedding. He ended the conversation, though technical a conversation typically entails two people talking, so I guess a more appropriate description might be corporate scolding, by saying "if this happens again, I will have to seek some other action." Needless to say it wasn't the most enjoyable experience of my life, but I suppose I have had worse. I once tried balancing on a bar and fell, neatly crushing my nuts. This experience was less painful, but only slightly. All this for missing a meeting, which was at 8am yesterday morning. *sigh*


:: posted by Z [1:26 PM] ::
...

:: Wednesday, August 07, 2002 ::
The Newly Employed and Higher Educated...
I would just like to take a second to recognize and congradulate a few people. First and foremost are two people who have been unemployed for, well frankly, too long. Heh. Within the last two weeks both have joined the ranks of millions of other productive little members of society. And oddly enough, both of them acquired jobs from the same company, Enterprise Auto Rental, albeit in different cities. So congradulations to both Gordon and Richard on their shiny new jobs. Luckily, Enterprise doesn't believe in mandatory drug testing for new management employees. LOL.

Next I'd like to congradulate a small cadre of individuals that got into schools of higher education. So congrats to Matt for med school, Nela for pharmacy school, Joe for optometry school, Jann and Sam for dentistry school, and Chris for grad school. While education has never quite been thing, I have to admire people who not only survive undergraduate education but are willing to tack an additional two to four years onto their sentence.


:: posted by Z [5:46 PM] ::
...

:: Friday, August 02, 2002 ::
Digital Makes Me So Happy...
*thud* *thud* *thud* That's the sound that drove away the last vestiges of sleep and finally succeeded in waking me up this morning. For those who don't know, the doorbell to my house has been inoperable for about 6 or 7 years now. I rushed downstairs because there was no way of telling how long the person who was pounding on my front door was standing there until I finally heard them and decided to get up. When I open the door however, there was nobody there and in that half-conscious state between being asleep and being awake, I almost convinced myself I imagined the whole incident. But just as I was about to close the door, I get a cheery "Oh there you are!" from one very persistent FedEx lady who, in my honest opinion, seemed way too happy to be up so early. But I guess 9 o'clock isn't so early for some people. Go figure. As I stumble upstairs, I wonder aloud (a habit I often do) what could this package possibly be. I hadn't ordered anything recently except for a digital camera (3 days ago) and a 256mb secure digital memory card for the camera (yesterday). Both of these I ordered from the east coast, as to avoid sales tax, so it couldn't possibly be either of them. But to my surprise it was my camera. I have never, in my life, gotten such fast delivery time from an online store. So if you want reliable service, buy from buydig.com (shameless plug). I spent a good few minutes playing with my new Minolta Dimage X until I realized I was about to be late for a meeting at work. I hastily packed everything away, set the battery to charge, and rushed off to work. Now after an afternoon of meetings, with the weekend just in sight, all I can think about is the shiny new toy waiting for me at home. I know, I know. It's just a thing. But we are products of our environment to some extent and I am currently reveling in my materialism.


:: posted by Z [3:28 PM] ::
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:: Thursday, August 01, 2002 ::
Site Shuffling...
I deleted the post comparing Orwell's "1984" and Vidal's "Perpetual War for Perpetual Peace" because honestly it was just too long. I made a new section under prose for essays, even though I guess the link prose isn't entire accurate anymore. Oh well.


:: posted by Z [12:25 PM] ::
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